Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Fuck.
The first dirty word I learned was "bullshit." We were in the station wagon driving down our long driveway and my father said that word and I didn't know what it meant, and so I kept saying over and over again, "bullshit, bullshit, bullshit" as my father and mother tried to shush me and my father was reaching back into the backseat to swat me.
Later, my brother Bub (now an Amish pig farmer), taught me the word "fart," a word he learned while in kindergarten. It sounded bad back then, and to this day I don't like that word. I usually won't say it out loud. Pussy is another one of those nasty sounding words. I was recently shocked to hear "fart" being used on a sitcom. What has our country come to?
My father was a champion swearer. When he was angry, which happened a lot after he quit trucking and became a full-time dairy farmer in 1974, he would reel off a list of words. It was like a Lake Superior storm, the waves of curse words washing ashore and repeating and building up to a crescendo, said crescendo usually involving throwing something. "God dammit to fucking hell, motherfucking sonofabitch, sonabitchin motherfuckin goddammit to fucking hell." Over and over again. Punctuated by a wrench being thrown at the hay bailer or, once, a hammer thrown at me and Bub. The latter incident resulted in me walking out of the barn and going to the house, my father following me and cursing at me. My mother, brother, and I received more than our fair share of foul language directed at us. My mother looked up and asked what was the matter, as he screamed at me. To tell you the truth, I have no recollection of what set him off at particular time- my brother and I were washing the big milk tank and literally anything would make my father go beserk. When I was about 19, and home from college, my father was selling a cow and I was helping get it in his friemd Chum's trailer and Chum thought it would be funny to shock me with the electric cattle prod. My father was shocked, in turn, to hear the string of foul words explode out of my mouth as I told Chum exactly what I thought of him. "Where did you learn that?" he blurted out. "From you," was the answer. How could anyone be so dense?
Nowadays I swear for very specific reasons. This summer I told two co-workers, "I'm really fucking pissed off at you." That is the coarsest language I have ever used at work. I'm a very easy-going person, so everyone was shocked.
Whenever the Great Decider ruins my television viewing, I'm liable to say something like, "Shutthefuckup you fuckingfucker!" Over and over again, mostly so I don't have to hear his annoying fake Texan accent. There are other times when I swear, but this is a family-friendly blog (except for this fucking post), so I won't go into that in detail.
So, what is your favorite swear word?
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The first dirty word I learned was "bullshit." We were in the station wagon driving down our long driveway and my father said that word and I didn't know what it meant, and so I kept saying over and over again, "bullshit, bullshit, bullshit" as my father and mother tried to shush me and my father was reaching back into the backseat to swat me.
Later, my brother Bub (now an Amish pig farmer), taught me the word "fart," a word he learned while in kindergarten. It sounded bad back then, and to this day I don't like that word. I usually won't say it out loud. Pussy is another one of those nasty sounding words. I was recently shocked to hear "fart" being used on a sitcom. What has our country come to?
My father was a champion swearer. When he was angry, which happened a lot after he quit trucking and became a full-time dairy farmer in 1974, he would reel off a list of words. It was like a Lake Superior storm, the waves of curse words washing ashore and repeating and building up to a crescendo, said crescendo usually involving throwing something. "God dammit to fucking hell, motherfucking sonofabitch, sonabitchin motherfuckin goddammit to fucking hell." Over and over again. Punctuated by a wrench being thrown at the hay bailer or, once, a hammer thrown at me and Bub. The latter incident resulted in me walking out of the barn and going to the house, my father following me and cursing at me. My mother, brother, and I received more than our fair share of foul language directed at us. My mother looked up and asked what was the matter, as he screamed at me. To tell you the truth, I have no recollection of what set him off at particular time- my brother and I were washing the big milk tank and literally anything would make my father go beserk. When I was about 19, and home from college, my father was selling a cow and I was helping get it in his friemd Chum's trailer and Chum thought it would be funny to shock me with the electric cattle prod. My father was shocked, in turn, to hear the string of foul words explode out of my mouth as I told Chum exactly what I thought of him. "Where did you learn that?" he blurted out. "From you," was the answer. How could anyone be so dense?
Nowadays I swear for very specific reasons. This summer I told two co-workers, "I'm really fucking pissed off at you." That is the coarsest language I have ever used at work. I'm a very easy-going person, so everyone was shocked.
Whenever the Great Decider ruins my television viewing, I'm liable to say something like, "Shutthefuckup you fuckingfucker!" Over and over again, mostly so I don't have to hear his annoying fake Texan accent. There are other times when I swear, but this is a family-friendly blog (except for this fucking post), so I won't go into that in detail.
So, what is your favorite swear word?
