Homer'sWorld

I wish I had a butler or valet to pick my clothes out in the morning. He would bring me a Diet Coke (no ice!) while I was lazing around in bed, select the clothes, and make sure they were ironed and that the shirt sleeves were long enough. Nigel (that's his name) would also clean the litter box and comb the cats so they wouldn't barf up hairballs on inappropriate surfaces (my bed, the living room rug, my bed). He would also know basic home repairs, and would re-wire my house when he wasn't washing the dishes and monitoring my treadmill usage (Sir, no computer time until you run three miles!). Nigel would also look good when he was serving canapes at this summer's naked pool volleyball games and would make sure that all of the drinks had little frilly umbrellas and that the flies wouldn't land in the salsa that my handsome Mexican gardener Pedro made using his grandmother's recipe. Having personal servants, including a Brazillian chaffeur named Gustavo, would certainly be a help.