Homer'sWorld

I told Panchesco, in one of those email things, that seeing him walking north on Central Avenue was one of two highlights of my day. The other was seeing someone arrested. Luckily, these events did not involve the same person. I told Panchesco that if he had, in fact, been arrested I would have posted bail. But only after he had scouted out the jail for hot guys.

It was a dark and stormy morning. It sprinkled for hours and I got moistened while watching the backhoe dig trenches. As I suspected, there was a lot of fill dirt dumped onto the parcel we are studying. Did you know that "studying" was the only word I spelled incorrectly in the 4th grade? I still have the strip of paper with the gold star missing from that week, tucked in along with my report cards and various artwork from my school days. Anyone who would look through that manila envelope would instantly realize I was a faggot by the second grade.

So yes, Panchesco was walking away from the Greyhound Station and I was practically giddy to see his handsome face. Afterwards he sent me some photos of San Carlos, the lovely Mexican beach town where Jimbo and I saw birds galore and a raft of sea lions and 9 dolphins leaping. And blue footed boobies. I don't know if Panchesco saw any blue footed boobies, but you can see his handsome friend Hyram's boobies at upper left on Panchesco's photo site.

After my photo shoot for Arizona Highways (I'm appearing in the April 2008 issue), I came home and made Mummy dinner. She was already watching Two and a Half Men, which is on from 5 to 6 on the local CW station. Every once in a while she laughs at the sex jokes. We ate scrambled eggs with veggies and Homer-made hashbrowns with onions. Vince came by and the three of us went to Mexican Safeway.

It's not the same since Byron quit working there. Sometimes I wonder where beefy, blonde Byron is at and whether he is as gruff with the other gays as he was with me. My latest Mexican Safeway crush is Reuben, who is short, wiry, dreamy dark brown eyes. I really wish that he had consulted me before he shaved off his pencil thin, uber-hot moustache. He looks younger, more innocent now.

Mummy pushes the cart and tonight I walked up and down extra aisles so she could get some exercise. Among the things that went into the cart were bird seed (so I can watch the cute finches outside my office window at work), pie crusts (Bob, I'm bringing a lemon meringue over on Friday night), and some Little Debbie snack cakes for Mummy. Who says life in Tucson is dull?

Tomorrow I start an archaeology project that promises to be very, very dull. But you never know what lies hidden in the ground.

Tennis or lemon meringue pies? Please vote at Brett's "blog". Personally, I think thrilling, sexy pictures of meringue pies are thirteen times as interesting as long, detailed descriptions of Brett losing yet another tennis match!!!

I made a lemon meringue pie for Thanksgiving but the picture didn't turn out. I apologize for that. My mother said it was really good, and she's old enough to know.

Everybody needs to wish Cobban a Happy 40.2 Birthday. If you don't I will be very, very angry.

I watched the Amazing Race last night with Abe, Dave, Jim, and Damyeon. They enjoyed the dessert (yellow cake with vanilla/almond cream cheese frosting and chocolate leaves) that I brought along. My mother said it was the best frosting she'd ever had. She isn't one to lie about important things like that.

I gave a homeless person some change and they spoiled the occasion by telling me "God Bless You." A simple deity-less thank you is sufficient.

I have a project starting on Thursday and to tell the truth, archaeology is not always glamorous and exciting and I suspect this particular project will prove that to be the case. But you never know, that is something I am well aware of, and perhaps I'll be wrong and in this instance, that would be nice.

Sandy will be arriving next week from Australia. I am excited to see him. I wonder if he has an Australian accent now?

And two news stories. Here in southern Arizona a border crosser saved a 9-year-old boy whose mother lost control of her van and drove off a cliff and died in the wreck. He stayed with the boy overnight, kept him warm, and waited until help arrived. He was returned across the border by the Border Patrol, since he had crossed illegally.

Immigration is a hot topic here, at least among conservative, far-right-thinking individuals. Most are recent arrivals from out-of-state. They have a pathological fear/hatred of anything Mexican. The comments that appeared online after a local newspaper article covered the story are fairly representative of how many people here view our neighbors to the south:

"the illegal is a criminal, get rid of him. now all we will hear is the goodie,goodie left saying hes a hero, hogwash!!!"

"The whole illegal immigrant saving kid was just a set up so that the criminal could get a free visa. Mexicans are encouraged by their president to cross illegal. A RIVER OF FLAMING OIL PROTECTING OUR BORDERS IS THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE US FROM CRIMINALS AND TERRORISTS! AND CANADIANS!"

"hope most people would do what this man did, and I would praise him for it, but he is not a hero."

The internet allows people the anonymity to say things they truly believe- the kinda stuff they probably won't say out loud because they know most people would look upon them as idiots and racists. You wonder if these people have any compassion in their hearts?

Another article, about the rural poor in Maine made me grateful for the things I have. Many elderly people in rural areas never earned enough to qualify for good Social Security checks. The recent rise in heating oil prices and the government cutting back on funding of social programs make these people live in increasingly difficult conditions. I listened to the audio portion of the story and several of the women focused on the good parts of their lives and noted that others were worse off. I looked up the addresses of two of the women in the story and I'm sending them each a card with some cash in it,I'm sure they'll appreciate the surprise present.

Quiche, Quiche Meringue! Has anybody seen, a quiche with celery green? Yes, a reference to one of my favorite B-52's songs.


Two quiches.

Richard and Roger hosted a small cocktail party last night and Vince and I attended. It was nice chatting with the guys, most of whom play naked pool volleyball in the summer. So strange to see everyone with their clothes on! A nice time was had.

Having a lazy morning. After a bowl of frosted flakes I went back and laid on my bed with Puff and Joey and patted their little heads. Mummy is in taking a little nap too. When she gets up we'll have to go have some sedate adventure.

Mummy and I watched High Noon last night, after Brady stopped by for a visit. We spent some time chatting about uplifting things like the price of coffins, cremation vs inhumation, and so on.

I'm not sure my mother liked the movie that much. I thought it was well done and relatively tame- if it was made today there would be a lot more blood and breasts. What struck me the most about the movie was how much a young Lloyd Bridges looked my father when he was young- maybe it was because they had the same hair cut.


My father, at the cabin in 1961.

I'll have to write about the cabin sometime.

I became a vegetarian in January 1983 and when I told my parents you'd think I told them I was gay or something. Oh wait, that was the next decade! Anyways, my father about died of a heart attack and my mother was convinced I was going to die from malnutrition or scabies or both.

I'd go home and my father would beg me to eat meat. If I cooked something, he'd always say, "Well, this would be good if only it had some meat in it." It didn't matter if it was fruit salad or a cake, he'd still say that. My mother would ask me if I was eating the right combination of proteins, convinced that I needed to eat rice A with bean B and wheat C to achieve a balanced diet. She got over that quickly, my father continued pestering me until he died of a heart attack caused by his plaque-encrusted arteries (thanks animal fats!).

Thanksgiving rapidly became my least favorite holiday. First you have to understand that I come from a family of awful cooks. My mother is willing to admit that she never liked cooking, except for that crock pot craze circa 1976. Second, holiday meals, it didn't matter which holiday, always consisted of:

- an overcooked turkey (frequently with the gizzard stuff forgotten inside)
- store-bought, boxed stuffing
- instant mashed potatoes and margarine
- store bought warm-up rolls
- Waldorff salad (diced apples, raisens, walnuts, marshmallows, Miracle Whip)
- canned string beans
- canned yams (sometimes)
- Grandma F's cranberry relish (made with strawberry Jello, the Jello company reportedly used the recipe in one of their cookbooks)
- store bought pumpkin or cherry pie with Cool Whip

The cranberry relish was the best thing. Too bad Jello is made from ground up animal bones!

This was standard for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and Easter. Sometimes they had ham on Easter, boiled in the pressure cooker for an hour or two. Boiling is the main characteristic of Midwestern cuisine.

So now that I'm the cooking I make everything from scratch and have banished Miracle Whip and Cool Whip and whips in general from my house. Tomorrow I'll make Thanksgiving Lunch and I'll ask Mummy if everything tastes delicious and she'll say something like, "No, I really didn't care for XXXX. I'd just rather eat mashed potatoes." Sigh.

I'm running out of ideas for what to make Mummy for supper. If I ask her what she wants she'll say, "Oh, I don't know..." She is getting picky about what she will or won't eat too- tomatoes are pretty far down on the list. Licorice drops are pretty high.

Her blood sugar (she's diabetic) has improved since she's been here, sometimes it is too low. As I type this I had to remind her to take her insulin.

Otherwise, got a new cell phone today- the old one was completely, utterly basic. The new one has a camera and bunch of other junk. I need to program phone numbers in, which I'm not looking forward to.

Making a pumpkin pie tomorrow. I've become a wizard at making them.

Sunday morning at about 4 AM I was lying awake in bed (I'm a light sleeper and have mild insomnia) when I heard the screech of brakes and a loud bang. Instantly the lights went out. It was far enough away that I wasn't certain whether it was to the north or south, and by the time I had gotten up I could hear sirens. The lights were out for a couple of hours.

Today the newspaper reports that a 15-year-old girl was killed and the driver ran off, alcohol was involved.

It seems strange to think that something so awful could happen so close to my house. But in the last six months or so there have been two murders in my neighborhood- one last week.

All three events are probably alcohol and drug-related. I wish people had more common sense about that sort of thing.

I lied. But it wasn't on purpose. I was going to make a lemon meringue pie, even make the crust. But there was no corn starch so I had to make a banana cream pie instead and I used storebought crust because I was just plain lazy.


Banana Cream Pie.

I could have told you it was lemon meringue, because you can't tell from the picture that instead of thick lemony filling there is thick vanilla pudding lying over a layer of thinly sliced bananas. But like I mentioned previously, the truth always comes out. Especially since Vince has started a blog and he'll be having a piece of two (ohmigod, another notch! [pardon the obscurity there]).

In other weekend news, I've been reading books and entertaining Mummy. We went window shopping and I'm left with two choices for Holiday gift- a ravioli maker or a waffle iron. Brian pointed out that a waffle iron was almost a ravioli maker, except it wasn't. Helpful advise like this is appreciated.

So which would you prefer: waffle iron or ravioli maker...

Believe it or not, I have every intention of making a lemon meringue pie this weekend! I know, I know, everyone is just plain sick of me doing so, as well you should be. I mean, I should just change my blog name from "Homersworld" to "Lemon Meringue World"!!! But I won't let the opinions of one or two "people" detract me from making the biggest, most swirly meringues ever. Filled with thick, delicious lemon filling. Perhaps I'll even make the crust myself!!!


Sonoran cuarto reale.

In other news, I'm sitting at my desk doing scientific-type stuff. Today I soaked a couple of Sonoran quarter reale coins in cleaning stuff, trying to remove enough corrosion so that I could read their dates. One was minted in the 1890s, the other is illegible. This sort of earth-shattering research commonly happens at my desk. I am always thinking, thinking, thinking.

And so I lay in bed last night pondering wicked people. The world seems so full of down-right nasty folks nowadays. I try my hardest to be a good person, and generally I succeed. If you have read through this mess to this point, I'll level with you. I am a terrible liar and so I make a point of not lying. As Eve on Passions once so famously said (yes, I know I'm repeating this), "The truth will always come out!" So you'll never, ever see big whoppers of lies from me on here. Or even little whoppers of lies. Lies never, ever work because the truth does in fact come out. I well remember the aftermath of the playhouse fire in 1968. Lesson learned.

You may, in your journey through the internets, come across a pair of blogs that have recently said very nasty things about me. Apparently I make too many lemon meringue pies, among other intrinsically evil things. The "people" who write those blogs have many interesting things to say about me, I've learned much about my background and personality, things that surprised me and would doubtlessly surprise those who know me. The internet is an interesting place, that is another lesson I've learned.

Forrest's 29th birthday had a decidedly Mexican theme. His roommate Paul arranged for friends to meet at BK's, a Sonoran style restaurant. I was surprised at how good the food was.


Homer and Forrest.

Afterwards we retired to their estate and a pinata was smashed.


Forrest handles a big stick.

Cecelia had filled it with Mexican candy. I tried the coconut version, which was very good.


Tres leches cake.

One time Forrest and I tried to make a tres leches cake but it turned out nasty. In contrast, the one Cecelia purchased was very good.

Good time was had by all, that's the best kind of birthday party.

Redheads. How I adore them. Let me count the ways. Red hair, freckles, pale or tan. Brian's blog alerted me to the following perfect specimen:


Tommy Speer.

Too bad he's doing the nasty fighting stuff for Ultimate Fighting Championship. He should quit that stuff come to Tucson and help me make Thanksgiving dinner for my mother next week. Afterwards we could lie in bed and talk about how bloated we are from eating way too much mashed potatoes.

Arghh, speaking of Thanksgiving, my least favorite holiday of the year. I have to figure out what to make besides mashed potatoes. Mummy announced that she did not/would not go to anyone else's house for dinner. She is a bit of a loner (that's a lie, she's a big loner). So I get to make the two of us dinner. Menu so far:

Mashed potatoes
Vegetarian stuffing
Fresh string beans
Angel food cake with cranberry sauce

Not sure if I'll make anything else or not. Any ideas?

Fuck.

The first dirty word I learned was "bullshit." We were in the station wagon driving down our long driveway and my father said that word and I didn't know what it meant, and so I kept saying over and over again, "bullshit, bullshit, bullshit" as my father and mother tried to shush me and my father was reaching back into the backseat to swat me.

Later, my brother Bub (now an Amish pig farmer), taught me the word "fart," a word he learned while in kindergarten. It sounded bad back then, and to this day I don't like that word. I usually won't say it out loud. Pussy is another one of those nasty sounding words. I was recently shocked to hear "fart" being used on a sitcom. What has our country come to?

My father was a champion swearer. When he was angry, which happened a lot after he quit trucking and became a full-time dairy farmer in 1974, he would reel off a list of words. It was like a Lake Superior storm, the waves of curse words washing ashore and repeating and building up to a crescendo, said crescendo usually involving throwing something. "God dammit to fucking hell, motherfucking sonofabitch, sonabitchin motherfuckin goddammit to fucking hell." Over and over again. Punctuated by a wrench being thrown at the hay bailer or, once, a hammer thrown at me and Bub. The latter incident resulted in me walking out of the barn and going to the house, my father following me and cursing at me. My mother, brother, and I received more than our fair share of foul language directed at us. My mother looked up and asked what was the matter, as he screamed at me. To tell you the truth, I have no recollection of what set him off at particular time- my brother and I were washing the big milk tank and literally anything would make my father go beserk. When I was about 19, and home from college, my father was selling a cow and I was helping get it in his friemd Chum's trailer and Chum thought it would be funny to shock me with the electric cattle prod. My father was shocked, in turn, to hear the string of foul words explode out of my mouth as I told Chum exactly what I thought of him. "Where did you learn that?" he blurted out. "From you," was the answer. How could anyone be so dense?

Nowadays I swear for very specific reasons. This summer I told two co-workers, "I'm really fucking pissed off at you." That is the coarsest language I have ever used at work. I'm a very easy-going person, so everyone was shocked.

Whenever the Great Decider ruins my television viewing, I'm liable to say something like, "Shutthefuckup you fuckingfucker!" Over and over again, mostly so I don't have to hear his annoying fake Texan accent. There are other times when I swear, but this is a family-friendly blog (except for this fucking post), so I won't go into that in detail.

So, what is your favorite swear word?

Fuck Office Max and their shitty merchandise. First my study lamp light bulb burned out and guess what. It is impossible to remove and replace the bulb. The bulb is built right into the fricken lamp. Thats's totally green!

Just got back with a new keyboard and mouse and 1). it comes with a slotted keyboard plugin and a round mouse plugin. Do computers even come with the round plugins anymore? Of course they provide adaptors. Except the adaptor for the round one was missing. Even better, the keyboard was visibly used (scratch marks on the bottom of the mouse, the packaging was torn up), but packaged and sold regular price.

I HATE big fucking box stores. But what can you do- there aren't small office supply/computer stores in Tucson. They have all gone bye-bye. I won't shop at Circuit City because of their satanic hiring practices. I go to this Office Max because it is the closest, saves gas. But not anymore. Return keyboard and drive the extra distance to another big box of consumer crap.

It would be nice if they actually made stuff that didn't wear out after a year.

Because I work for a small company, we don't get minor holidays off. So while lots of other people are out honoring out nation's veterans by attending sales and parades, saluting, and decorating tombs of the unknown, I am sitting in my office honoring them by trying to makes numbers add up correctly.

Except the numbers don't want to add up the same when I check and I don't have a clue why that is the case. It is very annoying.

Also annoying, people who don't know the rules for charades and who don't know their alphabet. What's up with that?

Less annoying, the Goth couple on Amazing Race. I like them and the blonde women the best. Last night, Kynt the Goth guy, said about their next task, "I think is has something to do with sheep!" We laughed. A lot.

A busy weekend with Mummy. Several trips to the grocery store, Michael's Craft Store- where I bought a cookie press and a bunch of art kits to give to the local elementary, a visit with Karen, library, Indian Oven for lunch, cooking, and so on.


Mummy and Homer.

I'm concerned that she isn't getting enough exercise so I took her out to the Sweetwater Wetlands and we walked around the main pond. We saw some American coots and little yellow finches. I spotted what I thought was a kingfisher. By the end of the walk her legs were bothering her.

I've got a squash baking in the oven and I made a yoghurt/dill/cucumber salad. Tonight I'm going over to watch the Amazing Race with Abe and David G. We haven't done that in a couple of years!

What pisses me off lately?

- Racism. People who judge other people based on their ethnic origin and/or their skin color. What a bunch of petty bullshit.

- "Illegal immigration" talk about a crock of shit. In Arizona they are busy building a solid border fence right through endangered wildlife habitat. No environmental reviews. So low flying birds will fly right smack into that fence and be killed instantly. And larger animals, such as our occasional jaguar visitor, will be unable to cross the border.

- "War on Terror" what a barrel full of shit. It isn't a war- a war is declared on a government. The "war on terror" is a fight against a bunch of criminals. Of course, if you call it a war you can scare people. You can be sure there will be plenty more terror alerts next year, right before the election.

- The 2008 elections. Holy shit, we have to put up with this for another year? 14 more months of the Great Decider? And what then? Hillary or Rudy. Puke.

What doesn't piss me off?

- Cooking for my Mama.

- Looking forward to going to a party with Forrest.

- Cats!

So the new President of France comes to visit and George Bush has a fancy dinner at the White House. I looked at the invitation list. I guess only businessmen and their trophy wives get invited to the White House. Plus a Supreme Court Justice, a couple Senators, a Representative, and a Governor. And George Bush's sister.

Looking through the other invitation lists for similar dinners, you realize that George only likes to hang out with other businessmen. Funny, since he was such a crappy businessman himself.

The United States has lots of talented scientists, entertainers, and ordinary people. But apparently unless you are Kelsey Grammar or Elizabeth Hasselback, you don't get invited to the White House. I guess that is because most scientists and entertainers and about 70 percent of the rest of the country don't really care for the Bushes anymore. I really wish the bloody hands woman, the one who charmed Condi Rice a few weeks back, would have dinner with Laura and Jenna and Barb Jr.

Now if I were president I would have a really fun state dinner. We'd have veggie hotdogs and tater tots, lemon meringue pie for desserts. Gwen Stefani and Cristina Aguilera would wiggle around singing during the dessert. Afterwards we'd made plastic bead mosaics and I'd play spin the bottle with Matthew Foxx and Will Smith. So much more fun than sitting next to the Chairman of FedEx.

Life is kinda dull right now, I'm entertaining Mummy and that involves cooking more and taking her on errands. I have to think of something to do this weekend.

Elsewhere, I have been watching one of the fake bloggers do his crap. Attention getting stuff involving someone's death, a misunderstanding of mourning customs, fake comments attempting to prove fake events, and so on. Honestly, my life can be dull but not dull enough to write a pack 'o lies and then have to delete them over and over again when someone exposes you.

I wish someone would expose themselves to me, speaking of. Having Mummy here has sharply curtailed my internet educational pursuits.

Joey likes Nature, she found tonight's episode about wolves fascinating.



Joey believes all cats should watch educational programming, instead of litter box operas and catnipcoms. Of course, Puff and Mama just want to want cartoons instead.

I've discovered that my mother loves this sitcom, "Two and a half men." That is kinda shocking. She used to make fun of me for watching Lost, except she got hooked on that show too.

Anyways, busy day today- tooth repaired, computer work, chocolate, insurance office (my agent is so smart he intimidates me), make Mummy dinner (leftover veggie lasagna), helped someone out with a genealogy problem. At work a co-worker yelled at me, shocking everyone else, since it was over something I had no control over, at all (some construction workers never showed up). I pretended it didn't bother me, but it actually did.

I wish I didn't have such thin skin over little things like that, but I do. Some things don't change.

The annual All Soul's Day Procession was tonight. Brian, unfortunately, couldn't come down from Phoenix, he was feeling under the weather.


A Victorian couple.

I caught sight of Forrest and walked with him along the route. It seemed quieter this year, but perhaps that was because we were very close to the beginning of the procession.


Miss Coney Island 1928.

Lots of imaginative costumes and altars. A pair of Born-Agains with a bullhorn protesting the event. No one was listening to his gibberish.


Andy and Adam.

I'm always amazed at how small town Tucson can be. I saw a zillion people I knew at the event.

At home, Mummy is reading a mystery book. I made lasagna and two pumpkin pies today (one is for Vince). I asked Mummy if it was best she'd ever had and she said, "No." I laughed. When I told Forrest that story he commented that I can be very blunt too.

My mother missed her plane Minneapolis so I have to go back to the airport and pick her up this afternoon. She refuses to ride on one of the carts and stopped for something to eat. Her bag came through and I was surprised at how little she packed for a two month stay. I may end up taking her cloth shopping- whether she likes it or not (she hates buying clothes). Especially because we'll probably get invited to a couple of holiday events and I really don't want to show up with Mummy wearing her favorite ratty jeans.

I almost went out last night, to sow a few oats, but stayed home instead. Chas called me up and we discussed life in North Carolina. It seems 2007 was the year of meeting people from that fine state.

Trying to figure out what to make for dinner tonight. Any suggestions? [vegetarian ones, please!]

Normally I have dozens of kids chanting "Trick or Treat" outside my door. Last night, perhaps 10 showed up. I have a big bowl of candy left over, mostly stuff I don't care for.


New shirt.

The house is ready for my mother's arrival on Saturday. Just some yardwork to do, and everything is done.