Thursday, April 21, 2005

Mama Cat wants attention. She is doing everything she can to distract me. At this very moment she is sitting between me and the keyboard. If I pause and pat her she bursts out purring. I wonder what she thinks about me. Does she know how much she and Puff and Joey mean to me?

I remember falling in love. It is a strange thing, this desire for the perfect friend, the someone you want to spend your life with. Falling in love changes you. In my case, it was for the better. I had always been afraid it would never happen, I think that is partially the result of the social conditioning you get (gays are evil, etc). Partly is was insecurity. And then, thankfully, it happened and I was so happy that he loved me back. It ended, his decision, unexpectedly. I didn't know it would end, was not prepared. Oh, that was a bad time.

I'm really wishing it will happen again, although I wonder if I will be more cautious. I'm guessing no, I won't be able to be that way. Let's hope I get to find out soon.

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