Friday, January 07, 2005

I lied about being over jet lag. Last night I lay awake forever, finally giving in to watch some telly. Ohmigod- they have the rottenest telly ever here. Imagine the breath-taking thrill of a darts match! And Celebrity Big Brother, with Brigitte Neilsen (the he-woman once attached to ~Sylvester Stallone)- as the leading celebrity. The Channel 4 version is played live and these celebrities have the boringest conversations. The worst show was "Sex Advisors" where a couple was filmed fucking and then the advisors gave them in depth directions on how to improve their love life. Things like, "Stop broadcasting pictures of yourself fucking on the internet" and "Masturbate in another room." The cheesiest part were the lurid pictures of them having sex, which were mostly shot with a infrared camera so all the heated up naughty bits were bright red. I wonder what the mothers of the couple thought as Bina gave Mark head, her blue head bobbing up and down over his red penis (too bad I don't know the appropriate English slang).

The Brits are also transfixed with the tsunami crisis and are doing an excellent job raising funds. However, the amount of horrible amateur video shown on the regular news- children being washed away, tourists being drowned, dead tourists on the beach moments afterwards, etc., is too awful. I would think that this isn't the best thing for children to be seeing.

Today went to Jorvik, a recreated Viking town with a fun ride-through. The best part were the smells they piped in. From experience growing up on a farm I can tell you they got the pig shit correct. Luckily, the smell thingy next to the outhouse with a grunting animatronic man wasn't working. He did groan and shake realistically, although I couldn't ascertain whether he had diarrhea or constipation. Afterward I stopped by St. Martin's church, not a popular tourist spot, but you could see the mid-15th century stained glass close up. I'm guessing my pictures won't turn out too great, but the pane with the devil was great.

The internet cafe I'm at is next to the Ouse River and a hot rower man just rowed by. I wonder if I'll meet any cute English men in London?

The Ouse River, pre-flood.

The devil at St. Martin's.

Homer at Jorvik.

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