Thursday, October 19, 2006

I closed the back door last night- after being open since about May, it is finally cooling off here in Arizona. The yearly cycle commences- Halloween party at Ray's, my least favorite holiday- Thanksgiving, Holiday Party on December 11. However, this year, for the first time since 1996, my mother is not coming to Arizona. She has a new toy poodle, Darby, who isn't house trained and Mummy feels she needs to be there for the mutt. I am sad about that, I like having Mummy around.

I've been thinking about friends alot lately. Let's jump back to when I was a teenager. I had no close friends. I was a bookish nerd, not popular, my father refused to allow us to do anything but come home from school and work on the farm. When I went off to college I found it difficult to make friends, partly because I was in the closet. After I came out that changed, but to this day friends are extremely important to me. In some ways, living here in Arizona by myself, my friends are my family.

I'm going to be obtuse and not go into detail, but basically a friendship I was pursuing appears to have dissipated. I feel sad for what might have been, and wish it had been otherwise. It made me feel down at times, and at particular moments little things can bring feelings of sadness to the surface. But friendship goes both ways, and when one person decides not to push for it, what can you do?

And in other news, I've got to start thinking of a present for Patrick, whose birthday is coming up. And I've got to make a Halloween costume for Ray's party- I'm going to try something different this year.

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