Homer'sWorld

Most bizarre Craigslist item.

For the Bake Sale.


Sweet onion and red pepper quiche, lemon meringue tarts, and a lemon meringue pie.

I ramble.

- If I'd been born a girl, I would have been named Carolyn.
- Mollie had diarrhea all over the house this morning. As I was cleaning the mess up, trying not to puke, Vince came to told me his evaporative cooler was dead. As I was fixing it ($75.65 in parts), I could smell the horrible smell of the 1950s landfill being removed a couple thousand feet to the east.
- There are 10 bloggers on my blog list that I wouldn't mind making out with.
- This song is very calming:

Readers have spoken. I'm making lemon meringue tarts.

Bake sale. A co-worker is hosting a bake sale to raise money for a hunger charity. What should I make?

1). Chocolate chip cookies.
2). Yellow cupcakes with coconut frosting.
3). Lemon meringue tarts.

Please vote in the comment section- I'm baking on Thursday night!

We went to Gay West out at Old Tucson. It was an alright time, we mostly people watched. They hadn't had this event for about three or four years, and there were fewer people than the last time I went.


Jeffrey S., Forrest, and Homer.

Old Tucson used to be a film studio where western movies and television shows were made. After a mysterious fire in the 1990s, it was remade as an amusement park and has suffered since from low attendance. Since they aren't making any films there, less reason for people to want to go.

Lots of bats flying around catching bugs- I really like bats. And speaking of bugs, these two were posed next to my porch light when I got home.


Bugs.

So we went bowling. At the Golden Pins Lanes. It was fun, despite the super loud music that annoyed Forrest.


Forrest handles the big balls.

A radio station was having a promotion event and I won a DVD for a movie Brady rented last week and called "absolutely horrible."


John.

My high score was 128. I don't think that is very good. I blame it all on my slippery shoes, which were very, very unattractive in a Kenneth Cole way.


Moi.

I am now one of those "straight-acting, masculine guys like totally into sports."

I haven't had a cavity in 22 years.


Minty fresh.

"Destroying human life in the hopes of saving human life is not ethical," Mr. Bush said. He vetoed a stem cell bill while moving his lips. I bet if they showed that stem cell research could make your cock bigger, he'd he spending money left and right on science.

While he was busy being presidential, another 14 American soldiers died in Iraq in the last two days, along with over 100 Iraqi civilians. But I guess human embryos are about a zillion times more important than people who can actually breath and shit and do other normal human activities.

I wonder what Paris and Britney are doing today?

100 degrees of separation. People ask me, "Why no air conditioner when you live in Tucson?" The implication is that I'm either a martyr or an idiot or both.

Well, I'm not a complete idiot, I do have an evaporative cooler (aka, "swamp cooler"). It is quite effective when the humidity is low and/or it is below 95 degrees. Once above those levels, it isn't so great.

My house was built in 1927 and has the original spool and wires up in the attic. My electrician said a couple of years ago that it will cost approximately $10,000 to rewire the entire house since everything from the pole onward has to be redone. Currently, my 1927 wiring does not accomodate three-pronged appliances, so I can't use a window mounted unit, unless I run an extension cord around the side of the house. I don't happen to have $10,000 lying around, so until my sugar daddy magically appears, I'll just sweat.

Brady says to me, "The salad was really good except for that funny colored leaf that tasted like artichoke." Homer said, "That's because I put artichokes in the salad."

Fuck it is hot here.

Post 1300: Homer does Dallas. Mark has written a detailed description of my experiences in Dallas. It is true what they say, everything is supersized there- especially women's makeup.

A photo essay, you'll have to imagine the scenes involved.


Mark and Brian, the hosts with the mosts.


Steven.


Homer and Justin.


Homer and Adam.


Homer and Kyle, in the bathroom at the Hidden Door.


Mike and Jim.


Andy, a very cute 23-year-old.

Okay, I will admit. Young Andy was super charming. I had fun making him laugh.

I'm back in Tucson and it is a zillion degrees. I really need to get AC for my little house.

My Dallas trip so far: fun.

I'm in Dallas at Mark and Brian's beautiful house. Really, Mark should come help me pick out furniture.

Justin picked me up at the airport. In 1986, I went on my first plane ride ever with him, to NYC. He looks exactly the same. Only older. Except he didn't get a little belly like I did. Ohmigod, it was the fastest time out of an airport ever- the bag magically appeared while I was in the bathroom. He lives in Dallas's gayborhood and sure enough, the place is crawling with homosexuals.

We hung out and chit-chatted for hours. Then he brought me over to Mark and Brian's and afterwards M, B, and Steven and I went to a Mexican place and I enjoyed vegetables. I haven't been eating very healthy lately, when it gets hot in Tucson I don't feel like cooking.

Anyhows, I'm enjoying my lazy day and I'm doing exactly what I wanted to do today- nothing. Well, I'm playing online and I'm going to watch some telly and read some and vacate all day long. Tonight we are going out to dinner and some bars and I get to meet Adam and his bf Brad. I hope Brad doesn't mind if I squeeze Adam's biceps a little. But hey, I'm on vacation and what happens in Dallas, stays in Dallas.

Brady asked me to go see a classic horror film tonight. Now I understand why "horror" and "horrible" are such similar words.


Brady and Homer, scared.

The auditorium was overflowing with nerds. I was unimpressed by the movie, and was startled when members of the audience clapped vigorously at several seemingly mundane scenes. I guess I am missing out on something vital and important.

Tomorrow, I board the aluminum tube of death and head off to Dallas to hang out with Sue Ellen and Pam.

Fuck if I don't hate clothes shopping. We are going to a nice restaurant in Dallas and I needed a dressy shirt. Because of my intelligent design, my torso is extra long and concurrently, my arms are extra long. See exhibit A, below.


Exhibit A, Homer monkeyensis.

Most stores don't carry "Tall" long-sleeved shirts. Or if they do, there are triple-large and that's not very useful. I visited The Gap, Banana Republic, Eddie Bauer, and finally found a shirt at J.C. Penney's (don't tell Mark!). So my pointy wrists won't stick out when I'm in Dallas.

Don't get me started on pants.

I made celery and onion quiche to take to the pool party. When I make this sorta thing, I just invent a recipe in my head. This one had diced celery, a Vidalia onion, fresh herbs from my garden, some mild cheese, and eggs. Celery and tomato slices on top as a pretty-upper.


Celery and onion quiches.

The water volleyball party was fun, but I mostly forgot to take pictures or the pictures have anatomical parts that aren't usually displayed on this website.


Homer and Roger.

I like how the pink blanket drapes so gracefully over Brady's shoulders.

Brady.

As we were getting ready to leave I checked my cell phone and discovered that Scott had called. He was in Tucson, on his way back from Flagstaff. So Patrick, Brady, and I rushed home and then Scott and I went to The Grill for supper. Tasty food and a nice friend to hang out with.


Homer and Scott.

I gave him one of my Threadless t-shirts as a present. I told him to think of me when he is wearing it in San Francisco. I'm going there in September to visit peoples, so I'll be seeing him then.

I forgot to take steroids. And get an armband tattoo or one with Chinese characters. And multiple piercings. I missed the sale on leather harnesses and jockstraps. I do have a couple of vintage t-shirts, one of which is a particular favorite.

Looking (for educational purposes only) at the men in the Falcon, Titan, and other pornos- they all look Tom of Finland-like. They are so fricken huge, muscle-wise. When did that happen? We have a couple of guys like that here in Tucson, a couple actually. Their heads are tiny, tiny, tiny in comparison with the rest of their bodies. Little itty bitty heads, and arms bigger than my thighs.

Lucky for me, most guys in Tucson have natural bodies. I do notice that the college guys are built- when I'm chatting with Archerr while on the way home from work I always have to stop at the stoplight next to the U Arizona gym. "Look at those guns!"

Anyways, today is the first naked pool volleyball party at Richard's and I'm looking forward to jumping in the pool and being a goof.

I confess.

I actually felt sorry for Paris Hilton, weeping on the way to jail. Poor girl, she wasn't raised right. Money truly does not buy happiness (although, I am perfectly willing to see whether money buys me happiness, if you happen to have a spare million sitting around).

A lot of people have expressed glee about what has happened. I'm not perfect by any means, but I cannot feel happiness for another person's unhappiness.

It's summer here in Arizona, but not as hot as normal. My tomato plants have made five tomatoes so far- the ones that actually taste like real tomatoes. I sliced them up, put them on white bread with mayo and some fresh ground black pepper, and that was supper for two nights in a row.


Tomatoes and Mollie.

It is Saturday at 7:59 AM and my weekend chores are already done. I've got to make a cake for a pool party tomorrow, so that is the only major activity planned. Maybe I'll go take a nap right now. Too bad a certain someone wasn't handy to take a nap with.