Homer'sWorld

Out on the town. So I made an honest mistake and went out to two of Tucson's fine gay bars. Walking into the Venture Inn you are immediately assaulted by cigarette smoke. It clogs every pore, you feel like an ashtray. I run into Peter and later Rick. It is pretty awful, no, depressing. So I end up over at IBTs and hang out with Gavin and Kevin and see a cute redhead that I am too shy to say hello to. Again, the cigarette smoke. I don't get it. It's not sexy. It stinks. Who wants to kiss a guy with ashes in their mouth. Not that there is anybody at IBTs to kiss. At home Mama Cat is all over me. I almost make a coarse joke, but refrain because I am a gentleman or something similar. How are the gay bars in your neighborhood?

Dog days. Seems like dogs are everywhere. Yesterday I went with Patti to the Humane Society where she was picking out a cat. While she cooed over a rather ugly long-haired tabby, I inspected the dogs. There were three in particular that caught my attention. A scruffy long-haired terrier mutt and a pair of older mutant dogs, probably let go when their elderly owner could no longer care for them. The dogs get so excited by attention.

On the way home I saw the old lady who wheels about town in her giant tricycle, with her big fluffy dog riding happily in its basket. The woman smiles as broadly as her dog. I'm glad that have each other.

And then a few minutes ago I called Animal Control on my neighbors. They live two houses down and raise pitbulls. The fucking assholes take little care of the dogs and this afternoon the two adult dogs got in a fight and ripped into each other. I peered out my window to see the couple trying to pry the dogs apart, as blood covered the beasts heads. The man was calling to someone inside the house to come help, that person didn't seem to be in any hurry. I hunted down the number and called and I guess being a dispatcher for animal control isn't a job for a polite person. She was very abrupt and really didn't want to send somebody. You have to give your name, which I did. I'm just sick of listening to the dogs howl, the male always wanting to get at the female and her puppies. We'll see if the neighbors come knocking.

Letter to the Editor. Driving across town and listening to NPR sometimes results in my sending letters to the two local newspapers. I have had over a dozen published in the last year. I composed this letter tonight as I drove, the words spilling forth as I raged about the US Appeals Court deciding that gays couldn't adopt children in Florida. We live in a time when Sauron or Voldemort has raised his ugly head:

What does the future hold for the United States? A look at our neighbor to the south is helpful. In Mexico, a relatively small percentage of the population controls the vast majority of wealth, valuable real estate, industry, and the media. For years the PRI party maintained control through coercion and corrupt relationships with business. The majority of the population is trapped in poverty, with no safety net, earning wages that do not adequately cover the basics of housing, food, and medical care. Is it any wonder that millions seek better opportunities elsewhere?

The current United States government is leading us toward this reality. The Republican
tax cuts have provided much money to the rich, who have shown no inclination to revive the
economy. The consolidation of wealth has accelerated while more and more Americans struggle to make end meets while working for mega-corporations, such as WalMart, that do not pay a living wage. The Republicans have consolidated their power by gerrymandering congressional districts in places like Texas and Pennsylvania, preventing competitive political races. The Bush administration seems more concerned with rewarding corrupt businesses, such as Enron and Halliburton, than in insuring that Social Security and Medicare are adequately funded. As the deficits grow ever larger, Bush asks for new tax cuts and proclaims that “temporary” cuts be made permanent. For the first time, the company running my 401K has sent out a newsletter telling its investors that Social Security will not be there for the baby boomers. The dream of many Republican theorists is to end all social programs, and bankrupting Social Security and Medicare through deficit spending appears to be the chosen path.

If we continue down this path, how long before Americans will be heading to Canada or
Europe to look for healthcare or employment? It is important for voters to look past the social
issues that the Republicans will use to cloud the election. What difference will gay marriage or school prayer make in the larger scheme of things when you can’t afford health insurance, college tuition, or even food to feed your children?

I'm waiting for Reggie to call so we can go have dinner. I am hungry and that means I have to think about food. I like to eat, really ought to be fat, but then I can never sit still so I burn up a lot of energy. More specifically, I have a terrible sweet tooth. Yum- donuts, chocolate, those honey-waffle things you can get in Amsterdam (something like stroopwaffles), pastries, pies. I'm not a big cake fan though. I also like cheese, except for those vile moldy ones, I mean that stuff should just be tossed into the garbage. And fresh bread-right out of the oven. And mashed potatoes. And onions. Christ, I'm starving. Reggie, please call NOW...

In other news, the Democratic primary in AZ. Dean has been to Tucson twice- he's impressive in person and comes across as a very straight forward, truthful man. Leiberman was here once, but got little coverage. The rest- not a glimpse. I find Kerry to be rather wooden, but his military career is certainly better than GW Dipshit's AWOL military "career." I dunno, I just want that piece of crap to be thrown out of office.

Oh my gosh. I'm trying to think of something interesting to write about and suddenly have realized that at this exact moment I am probably the most boring, dull, uninteresting person in the world. That is not an exageration. It surprises me, because this is exactly opposite of what I would like. So now I am puzzling over how to solve this situation.

Should I become a serial killer and stalk hapless victims? No, too messy and way too much work. Become a porno star? While some people I know could handle that, I'm afraid I am a terrible actor. Vote for Al Sharpton in next week's primary? Oh my, now that would be interesting, but rather stupid. I think I will have to settle for doing the rest of my laundry in my fabulous new washing machine.

Speaking of stupid, I called Senator McCain's office here in Tucson yesterday and asked his staff person why he was campaigning in New Hampshire for that idiot George Bush. The guy that answered the phone could hardly keep from laughing. From what I can tell, none of his staff members hold the miserable failure in much regard.

With Sympathy. I'm so sorry that my friends out on the East Coast and Midwest are freezing their cojones. In response I went to the tree in my front yard and


picked this orange, along with about 20 others. I took them inside, washed them off, and


sliced them in half. I then placed the juicer attachment on my 1950s Sun Beam mixer and


made a big glass of orange juice. Yummy, nice and fresh.

So I hope this brought a little cheer and joy. It made me goddam happy and the vitamin C is sure to ward off lots of potential illnesses.

Washing away the blues. I've been a little down this morning, a post-Ex situation that lingers on and on. It is why I have avoided seeing him, because there are a few emotions that hang on including loneliness.

Up early this morning awaiting the appliance delivery persons. They arrive exactly on time. Justin, who was the young man in charge, had his name tattooed across the back of his neck amid a bunch of scrolly lines. Sexy now, but one wonders what it will look like in 20 years. I should invest in tattoo removal laser stock now. He was a whiz at hooking the washer up, and it works so quietly. The old washer thump-thump-thumped loud enough that I always knew when the load was finished. Now I have to open the back door and listen carefully.

Michelle is moving out and it looks like Chrissy is moving in. She's coming over to chat with me about it, apparently worried that her March 1 move-in date will be a concern. Instead it will give me time to do some work on the place.

A vegetarian shepherd's pie is just finishing in my oven. A Homer original, it sure smells good. I've been doing a lot of cooking, something that tapers off dramatically in the summer. If only these annoying, wasted feelings would taper away as well.

At the Venture Inn I saw a lot of people. Jeffrey T. was there, looking fine in his cowboy hat and his tight jeans. Panchesco and I are growing our hair out. Niles and I have similar glasses. Chris and Douglas and Patrick out on the patio, the rain has stopped for awhile. Patrick has the best moustache in town. The Ex was there, and it still bothers me to talk with him because I miss the old times, miss having him as a best friend. He, perhaps, doesn't understand this. David A. was there, smiling as usual. And Miguel or Mike, I can never remember what he goes by but you cannot forget his pretty smile. And Derek and Reuben, who I had dinner with last night and who is shy out at the bar. And there were lots of people I didn't know and a sexy leather guy who told me I was handsome. And a lot of cigarette smoke and the bar closing at 1 AM because in Arizona nobody is 'sposed to have fun after 1 AM. And now at home the cats sit close to me, but not so close because the cigarette smokiness of my clothes stinks.

I revived the economy today! I purchased a new washing machine, two pairs of pants, and three pairs of socks. As a result, I completely erased our country's annoying $500 billion dollar deficit! While at Sears, I discovered the missing Iraqi weapons of mass destruction hidden in a Kenmore refridgerator! Amazingly, I also caught Osama bin Laden in the dressing room at Old Navy. He was trying on the last large light blue oxford shirt. A bunch of half naked FBI agents burst out from the dressing rooms where they were being fitted for boxer shorts. They hauled Osama away, although the agents really wanted to stop at Abercrombie & Fitch and ogle the larger-than-life sized wall porn.

I went to the White House to collect my bounty money and walked in on George and Dick as they were making toys for Laura and Lynne. George was mad because Dick's "toy" was bigger. I told him, "George, you'll always be the biggest dick I know." The two dudes had decided to go fight "enema" terrorists. I had to explain that they should be looking for enemy terrorists instead.

Afterwards I went to Coldstone Creamery and had cookie dough ice cream with Mark, and Corky, and Wayne. We ran into Adam and Panchesco, who were putting a few too many toppings on their dessert. It was the best day ever!!!

When I was five. I watched Captain Kangeroo. Learning that the actor, Bob Keeshan, had died today made me think about the show. I was always a fan of Bunny Rabbit and Mister Moose. I don't why I found that them amusing. It certainly was a lot different than the shows kids watch today, which seem to be focused on selling toys, junk food, and soda pop.

The year I was five was the year when I should have gone to kindergarten but didn't. My mother decided to keep me at home because I was too small (I was undersized until I was in college- soooo skinny!). And I watched Captain Kangeroo in the morning, played cards with my mother, went to the supermarket (which was a tiny store at the time) where the cashier always patted my head. I would get up every morning and go have a raspberry Twinkie with Grandpa, who lived next door. I watched as he made me a leather tooled wallet which I still have, hidden away somewhere. I accidently burned down my sisters' playhouse with all of my toys inside. I sucked my thumb religiously. On my birthday I went to Ace Hardware and picked out a toy truck and house trailer for my present. That was so much fun- it had furniture inside and I spent houses playing with my PeeWee dolls, sometimes having dramatic accidents.

I also played house and carpenter downstairs, once sawing off the end of my thumb. I sat at the bottom of the scary steps, which were frightening to me to climb up, and cried until my mother came and rescued me. My mother says it was the best year of her life, a selfish year in which she got to hang out with me alone. I'd have to say that with the exception of sawing off the thumb part, that it was a pretty good year. Thanks Captain Kangeroo!

A Big Loser. As in I managed to lose three important things today- an artifact tag, an envelope of children's stories, and a pair of drawings. All three were eventually located, after a great deal of effort. But what a waste of time.

And then on the way home I got a call from someone looking for Cafe Mixteca. Now, I've had my phone number since September 1999. You would think people would finally realize that the number is no longer associated with that restaurant (which must have been good, given the number of calls). Also, the Chi Rho sorority is one number off from mine. No, you can't get a hold of Maggie or Suzie or Tiffany by calling me. Believe me, I do not have the correct number for either place. And I'm not interested in looking them up for you.

The rain is making little wild flowers pop up all over my front yard. It is going to be exciting to see all of those different flowers bloom in March through June.

Tax time. I'm probably odd because I don't mind paying taxes. I think of it as an obligation, paying for government services. Of course I wish I could pick where the money went. Instead of bombs and big bucks for the Bush-Cheney crowd I would be sending it to poor people. Like that would ever happen.

So I dig through my box of receipts, bank statements, credit card bills. And for some reason I can'f find last year's tax forms. I know I had them early last year when I got a second mortgage, but what did I ever do with that folder? It isn't the end of the world if I don't have it, but it also confounds me. Where, of where has 2002 tax form gone?

In other news, Jenny and I finished looking at the thousands of bones from the Chinese well today. It was a very interesting collection- more than half pig, which is unusual for Tucson. Very little wild game. Imported fish and cuttlefish (a squid-like creature). A cat, some kittens, and a puppy all chopped up. The beef bones were all high quality cuts. The five or six Chinese farmers who were living a couple of thousand feet from my house were eating very well, much better than many of their Anglo and Mexican neighbors.

Now back to finishing some other reports and then I need to go to the boss and ask "What's next?"

Okay! Bald is beautiful. And at least I don't wake up looking like President Bush every morning! If I did I would apply to Extreme Makeover and have that simpering smirk removed from my puss.

Kurt sent me a link to an interesting Bush commercial.

People say the darndest things. Last night David G. said, "Gee, you are really going bald!"

I will now pause and hold Puff a while, rocking back and forth in my chair.

Civil rights are an important topic for me. Basically, I am tired of being a second class citizen in this country because I am gay-queer-faggot- whatever you fucking want to call me. It is amazing how so-called moral Christians can hate people with such abandon. But then many people have this bizarre need to feel superior in some way to others, it makes their lives so much better and fulfilling. Very strange.

Homosexuality runs in my mother's family. Her aunt Bessie was a lesbian, back before there were lesbians. And no one put 2+2 together (except me). She was a WAC during World War II and had a special "friend." Lived in a military retirement community in California far away from pestering relatives. Sent my sister a letter when she was getting married telling her "There are other options besides getting married to a man." No one caught on. Last year a distant relative stopped emailing me after she sent me an anti-gay email and I had to inform her that there were many queers in our family. Poor woman.

Thanks Aunt Bessie, for being such a cool individual. I'm sure you would be glad to know you are appreciated.


Aunt Bessie, circa 1945.

Shopping Day. I've been awful busy being poor lately, so now that I have a paycheck in the bank and the bills are paid, I get to go shopping. For exciting things like food and cat litter and toilet paper. But the highlight will be going to buy a new washing machine. The old one had been making horrible sounds for several years and finally kicked the bucket. It "works" on a couple of settings, but doesn't get all of the soap out. So I'm off to Sears and instead of that new digital camera I've been wanting I'm getting a Kenmore. That deserved an exclamation point, but I just couldn't get the energy to press the shift key for it.

Oh and all of you poor freezing East Coast people, it is going to be in the 70s here today.

I've been bad, I've gone to the Shelter without Panchesco as a guide. But Jeffrey T. wanted a drink and I can't go back to Kon Tiki for another ten years or so.



We had gone to an Ethiopian restaurant for dinner. Nice, healthy, filling. So a drink was in order. The Shelter is all about the 60s, at least the tacky part of that decade. My favorite things at the bar are the Kennedy-King-Kennedy tv dinner tray and the Jetson's chandelier above the bar. I can't say the Cosmopolitan martini was a favorite. Although after I pulled the orange peel out it was a little better.



If I was a straight woman I'd hang out at that bar- the guys are pretty good looking. Even the dowdy blonde had some big muscle-bound lug hanging onto her, as Jeffrey and I noticed.

I'm supposed to be in bed but I've been running on full steam all day long. Looking at bones, answering questions, doing research. Came home and discovered two gigantic cockroaches hiding out underneath a cat little box. Super yukky. I was amazed when I moved to Arizona to see how big roaches can get. These were about 1.5 inches long. I wish I had taken a picture of it to gross everyone out.

So now I'm off to bed. And tomorrow more of the same.

Comments, if you please. So my old comment section mysteriously disappeared. I have successfully added Haloscan, so will be looking forward to hearing from people.

Outside it is raining- a slow drizzle that should help the wildflowers sprouting in my front yard. I can't wait for them, this year I have a lot more and a greater variety.

Spent the day working with Jenny on animal bones from a Chinese gardeners well dating from about 1880 to 1900 that were dug up a few years ago. We are going through bags, identifying which animals are present and which parts of the animals. As an example, there are a lot of pig bones, ranging from little baby pigs to the skulls of almost fully grown hogs. Obviously, they were growing pigs on their farm. Also finding smaller amounts of beef and mutton, along with chicken, duck, and even a little kitten. I sent the fish bones out to a guy in California who identified them- 19 species from Arizona, the Pacific coast, and from China. Why is all of this important? Basically the Chinese men who lived in Tucson didn't leave any records of their lives. So the artifacts and bones from the well tell us what foods they ate, how they prepared them, and even what they did in their spare time. It adds a few facts to the history of Tucson. And helps pay my bills!

Acid stomach. Argh, occasionally I have acid reflux or something similar. I've been lucky and haven't experienced this for several years. Well it started last Thursday in Saint Louis and now whenever I eat I developed a burning feeling that doesn't go away, no matter how much pepto or anti-acids I consume. Perhaps that is the reason I feel extraordinarily cranky. Screaming at other drivers cranky. Wanting to interrupt older people to tell them to shut up or get to the point cranky. Fudgety, fudge fudge.

I'm supposed to be at a meeting at this moment and supposed to have a newsletter put together tomorrow but the stomach issue makes me ignore these pressing problems, so instead I look at important websites instead:

1). Lovely shoes.
2). Create your own comic.
3). A buddy's budding weblog.
4). Plastic bead mosaic mania.

Okay so ranting about GeoWBush is just plain useless. So I wouldn't bother reading the babble below because I'm guessing it is something you have already processed and if you disagree with it, then you probably shouldn't read anymore anyway.

I had a completely lazy night and found myself strangely drawn to the Average Joe television program. Beauty queen and a bunch of nice/strange "average" guys. It really is scraping the bottom, and the most interesting guys are the freakiest. I wouldn't date any of them. And I wonder what the gay version would be- a bunch of "average" (ahem) guys competing with a bunch of "above-average" guys for the chance to be with some hunk? Bravo channel, are you paying attention???

Benefits of being away. It was nice to not bother with newspapers, television news, and the internet while I was gone. I didn't have a clue really as to what bullshit G. W. Bush was putting the nation through. Oh wait, we are going to establish a moon base and send astronauts to Mars. And suddenly we love illegal aliens. Jesus fucking Christ. If he isn't full of stinking crap. Like the Republicans have any intention of pushing space travel. But it sounds nice... And people who vote for George and Dick probably haven't wondered how the hell we can pay for that very expensive undertaking. Maybe welfare moms don't need money for food and housing after all. Better yet, why not have an all-welfare-mom moon base!!! And the illegal alien thing, that was pretty brilliant. Perhaps it will garner them a few votes. Who knows. All I know is that our nation is being run by a cabal of fucked out money whores.

End of editorial.

My comment section just disappeared into the air. I have no clue why that has happened, I was at work busy spending your tax payer dollars when it took place. Maybe Republican welfare moon base Mexican moms hacked into Blogger and did it. Or maybe it was Senator Santorum!

Can't sleep. Not surprising as I'm home and Mama Cat is climbing on me and I just cleaned the litter boxes (blech!) and my stomach is still a little off. So I uploaded my pictures.


Standing beneath the huge arch.

I'm always somewhat skeptical about grandiose architecture, but the arch in St. Louis is really spectacular from the outside.


I walked up to it this morning from the hotel, a little chilly. Went to the horrid museum below. Whoever designed the exhibits believed more-is-better and as a result I didn't want to look at anything. And there were these creepy animatronic people- scary.


I love sexy statues.


Apparently, I'm not the only one...

Oh I'm back. A very tiring day filled with endless airport waiting, acid reflux, and a return to a stinky house. Someone was supposed to stop by and check on the cats and it didn't happen. Luckily I had put out a huge amount of food and left out enough water. But, anyway. And Joey managed to pee on both couches, although the oilclothes prevented anything from soaking in. Blech. Only a few months and she will become an Amish cat. Puff is damn happy to see the human, and is now sitting on my lap.

Some new pictures to post tomorrow and I'll be attempting to fix the scrolling problem. [update- my sitemeter was the culprit] Until then, can you guess which confession is mine?

Meet me in St. Louis. I'm at the St. Louis Public Library. Hanging out with the homeless guys, most of whom seem to have email accounts. I've had a low key couple of days. Was intending to go out and actually do something last night but a falafel sandwich I had for dinner gave me a wretched stomach ache. I lay in bed until 2 am feeling sorry for myself. And why does hotel cable television suck so supremely???

My presentation went well yesterday- I always do a good job. Have seen only a handful of people I know here- most of my friends stayed home this year. The library is 5 blocks from the hotel. Some nice buildings and I looked up today and finally noticed that big arch. But like many places downtown St. Louis is dead. A preponderance of government buildings and not enough housing. I forgot my toothbrush and asked the hotel concierge where the nearest pharmacy was. "Two miles away." Fuck. How do people live without cars?

And Eric, I didn't mean to sound mean! And I'll try resetting the column width, which Blogger seems to have reset by itself. And Sush, I hope you are having a lovely day. Later.

Up, up, and away. I leave in a couple of hours for the metropolis of St. Louis to attend an archaeology conference. Normally I look forward to going, but this year a culmination of budgetary forces has resulted in my having poco dinero in my bank account. So if you happen to see me scrounging in the dumpsters behind restaurants, kindly look the other way. Perhaps no blog entries until I get back.

While in complaining mode.... if you say you are going to call and that we are going to have breakfast/lunch/dinner/etc, it would be nice if you actually made the effort and did so. Twice, recently, this has happened. Phone calls left unanswered. It doesn't take a PhD to figure out a lack of interest, but how hard is it to tell someone that fact (well, actually it is difficult, but I'm the one whining here). Plus, I'm owed two meals. I'm not taking someone out for dinner for a while.

Plus my washing machine has broken. I knew it was on life support, gasping for air. But the sudden death was a total shock. As well as very inconvenient. Actually it still runs on the permanent press setting but when you wash blue jeans on that setting they come out horribly soggy because permanent press clothes (which I deny owning) apparently don't get spun as much as "normal" clothes (that's what the washing machine calls them). I wonder if Eric has any permanent press clothes?

Lastly, has anyone else noticed that it is impossible to scroll down past a couple of entries for my recent posts? I'm wondering if it is just my particular browser doing this.

Plasticity. Goddamn, sometimes I amaze myself. My mother was here for the Holiday craft party and saw how much my friends loved making doodaas, so for an Xmas present she sent me this plastic bead mosaic kit. Basically you have these plastic boards with small pegs that you position plastic beads on. Once you have finished the design, you iron it and the beads fuse into colorful mosaics. I thought that it was really stupid, but when I was utterly bored in my freezing house I made one and it was the most fun EVER. Well, perhaps that is worded a little strongly. It was entertaining. And I have made Michelle, Mimi, Larry, and Eric all do one and they agreed, it was the most fun ever. So at the end of the month or in early February I am going to have a single-gay-boy craft and pizza party. Maybe we will even play spin the bottle and twister, you never know.


The most fun ever, or, I need a boyfriend badly.

Kon Tiki is a trashy Polynesian-themed bar/restaurant (although who would really want to eat the "Pu Pu Platter?" here in Tucson. I decided to frequent the place for the second time in 10 years, along with Jeffrey T. While there he had a really strong drink while I sipped my thankfully weaker one. We discussed school, Mexico, cockroaches, and observed heterosexual bonding behavior while surrounded by palm fronds, beaded thingys, carved idols, and other inspired foolishness. The whole place looked like it would explode in flames at any moment, turning us into a cannibal barbeque. Luckily that did not occur and we survived, perhaps to return ten years from now. Afterwards Jeffrey and I hung out and talked about his lovely, although sometimes wicked, cat Magic.


Jeffrey T.

My character flaws.

1). I'm addicted to caffeine- but hate coffee.
2). Chocolate is an important source of vitamins.
3). I'm more interested in the truth.
4). Cigarettes stink.
5). Gossip can be educational.
6). Animals are much more likeable than Republicans.
7). Why can't exercising be fun?
8). I eat too fast.
9). I like flowers and cried when the X gave me a bouquet.
10). I think 40 is the new 15.
11). I don't bite, really.

Well worth waiting. A nice dinner, pleasant conversation, a roaring '73 Mustang. Good time. And when I got back home I finished the footnote editing for my book- 520 pages and 4,433 footnotes- so far. I'll be publishing it on the web since it is going to be too long (and expensive) to print. And what will I be doing on Sunday?

Wait, wait, waiting. Time goes real slow when you are expecting something. Like a date or the workday to end. Of these, the first is more exciting. So I wait, wait, wait. And when it happens time will speed up and go by so fast. Why can't it be the other way around, that the good times seem to last forever?

Redheads. So the first day in 2004 was running a little slow and dull, I have to admit. I worked on my book, getting so close to finishing the review of footnotes. I played with the cats. I wore my red hat because it was cold. I went to Target and pondered DVDs but remembered that I was going to be buying a new computer instead. I went over to work to print out some emails and my cell rings.

"I bet you don't know who this is?" he said. And he was right. One hint and his distinctive voice was remembered. It was the cute redhead fireman from Halloween night. He explained that he had been a little embarrassed to call me because he had been so tipsy that night. I was glad he called, I had been looking for him. So I asked him out on Saturday night.

And then today at the photo store, there was a really cute redhead named Andy. He was cute, tall and lanky, nice features. Oh my.

At home now the only cute redhead is Joey. She is sleeping on her pillow, behaving herself for the moment. I pick Puff up and he snuggles on my lap. The second day of 2004 has been kinda nice, I have to admit.

I'm a terrible backseat driver, but last night as we drove from Cafe Terracotta to Julie's house I had to say something. We had finished a very expensive, somewhat mediocre meal at a very fancy restaurant (with only one vegetarian entree, come on, it is the 21st century!) and we crammed back into the car. I was in the back with Len and Gordon, a nice couple from Vancouver. We followed Julie's car and once out in the desert Larry pushed the accelerator to the floor, up and down hills, around tight corners. No street lights, very dark. I became more and more apprehensive as we whisked around yet another corner and I was shoved into Len. He and Gordon were starting to make little noises as well.

Finally. "Larry?" "Yes?," he asked. "You gotta slow down, it is getting scary back here." Larry protests that he is driving fine, but then assumes I am feeling carsick. I play that up because it is a useful excuse and he returns to a nice safe speed and I can relax. I will not be a tragic New Years Eve traffic fatality. Actually, since I had my seat belt on, that was unlikely to happen, but I really wanted to not have to pick broken safety glass and cactus spines out of my hair. So apologies to Larry, if you read this. Next year I think I will drive, though.